Be Careful What You Wish For: Obsession and High School Heartbreak
By Hector Ramos
High school heartbreak is like an invasive parasite. It becomes part of even the smallest moments of the day like reading a book in English and thinking of them or seeing the sweetest lovers walk past, bringing a level of envy and annoyance that’s atypical. When a high school relationship ends, the resulting emotion is often a suffocating and brain-altering fixation with what could’ve been.
From re-reading months and months of text messages searching for a hidden meaning or clues that show where something went wrong, to viewing their story a thousand times and memorizing their schedule just to catch a small glance at what was once yours. The story of deep and asphyxiating longing came to the big screen with Curry Barker’s psychological horror Obsession.
The film follows the story of a socially awkward young man named Bear, who has a long-time crush on his friend Nikki. One day, after discovering that Nikki’s necklace was lost, Bear walked into a witchery store called “The Green Man.” While searching for a replacement necklace, Bear finds an item called the “One Wish Willow” that claims to grant any one wish to the individual who snaps it in half. He opts to purchase this item for Nikki instead of a necklace.
With the willow in hand, Bear decides to attend a group hang-out with Nikki and other mutual friends. After the hangout, Bear drives Nikki home. Before leaving his car, Nikki questions Bear, asking if he loves her. Bear initially denies it, and Nikki leaves the car to enter her home. As Nikki approaches her doorstep, Bear opens the packaging to the willow and says, “I wish Nikki Freeman loved me more than anyone in the [expletive] world.”
Shortly after, he gets exactly what he wished for. Nikki–who’s free will was overrun by the wish–turns into a violent and possessive woman, her ‘love’ for Bear transcending reason. At its core, Obsession is an allegory for what happens when humans mistake limerence for genuine love.
The story of Obsession isn’t just the work of fictional Hollywood psychological horror; it’s a reflection of the complex and unique emotional reality that many high schoolers worldwide experience when a relationship ends, or a crush becomes consuming. According to a study done by researcher Helen Fisher, scientists cannot yet prove why mammals or avian species experience attraction to different traits. (Helen Fisher et. al)
“That heartbreak and obsession for my previous crush was something similar to torture. I liked the same songs as him, so when I would listen to them I’d think of him, when walking the halls I’d think of him, when watching videos I’d think about what he’d think about them. When I found out they’d started dating someone, even when I saw the signs before everyone else, I sobbed for days on end, even in school,” said junior at Coral Springs High School, Linique Dean.
What the creators of Obsession managed to convey so accurately was that romantic fixation almost never takes into account the reality of the other person. Bear doesn’t actually care about Nikki’s thoughts, her personality, her flaws, or her autonomy but is rather obsessed with her affection, and the validation and identity it gives him.
Teenage romance works in the same way. When someone shows interest or gives attention to us, they become a mirror instead of a person. That mirror reflects a version of the person we want to be, a more attractive, more worthy, more cool version of ourselves. When that relationship ends, that mirror that showed a version of ourselves better than reality shatters. The obsession that follows is the mind’s desperate attempt to piece the mirror back together.
“It took months to see that his flaws were part of his character, not cracks I could patch, and that the picture I made of him was never real. I thought I’d never stop thinking about him. But it happens gradually, the way real things do. You learn to love yourself, you raise your standards, and one day they’re just a faded memory. Someone who mattered to you once, someone you’ll never be that close to again,” said Sophomore Scarlett Dearmas.
According to a study published by PubMed, “The loss of coregulation can portend a state of biobehavioral dysregulation.” (Sbarra, D, & Hazan, C) However, after some time, the strangling feeling breaks. The mind begins to realize that continuing to expend energy valuing itself on a fantasy is nothing but noise. It’s a slow process that begins with a few hours without thinking of them, then a day, then a week, and maybe even a month.
As the years pile on, you look at that period of time with grace instead of obsession. It was a harsh but necessary lesson that almost everyone must learn. The lesson is learning to feel and care for yourself without needing someone else. Passion doesn’t belong in fantasy; it belongs to yourself.
